Find out why pregnant women, pregnant wives, pregnant moms, pregnant nuns, pregnant brides, pregnant cows, pregnant cats, pregnant Halloween characters, pregnant women with twins, and even foetuses make jokes. The journey of childbirth is filled with a range of emotions and physical exertion. The information on this website is of a general nature and available for educational purposes only and What does a pregnant woman say when you tell her leggings are not pants? What's red and bad for your teeth? Drinking At last, you can live undisturbed by life insurance agents! A wife asked her husband: Who is that screaming there so loud? 41. But you dont know who they are or what time their flight comes in. vanish command twitch nightbot. Check out our, Anti Jokes: 55 Unfunny Jokes Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, Dry Humor: A Guide to Understanding Deadpan Comedy, Why Does Hair Turn Gray? dark jokes about pregnancy. These funny pregnancy jokes will help you pass the time and maybe even get your baby moving. For others, its laughing at offensive jokes or sharing memes around the workplace alright, fine, thats me too. The old man said, That's stupid! Man, there is a pregnant woman in front of you, please give her a seat. You know youre getting old when your friends start having kids on purpose. 556. Pregnant horses run faster because they have more horsepower. His wife asks: Dear, what happened? His last wish was to be Frank in Stein. Chris Rock is debuting a brand new comedy special on Netflix this weekend. 59. Chances are, theyll love them just as much as you do. "Admit her," the doctor said. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. Midwife: why? If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and youre a total hero. Onions was such a good dog. He said I was a sight for psoriasis. My childbirth instructor said its not pain Ill feel during labor, but pressure. Being pregnant is an occupational hazard of being a wife. Queen Victoria, Theres a whole birthing plan, but what is the plan other than to get it out? 75. Why are friends a lot like snow? I childproofed my house. If you laughed at any of these jokes, dont worry. Have you ever bent over to put on shoes in your third trimester and let out a fart? So I threw him out. The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. 110 points. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather, My grandmother used to tell us a joke. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend. 81. As he died, he kept insisting for us to be positive, but its hard without him. She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. For example, take the holocaust. But he's an idiot! Does anything get smaller during pregnancy? Liking these dark jokes might also reflect our view of the world. One that is more expensive or one that is more reliable? Why do orphans like playing tennis? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Why is it so great to be a test tube baby? Ans: Take the toothpaste and go brush in the room, I have to pee! *1 minute later* WHEREs THE TOOTHPASTE?!. This is not for the welfare of the pregnant woman, but for the sake of saving work! Instead of paying for 18 years of child support, you'll only have to pay for 3. I said, "Well, you are in a wheelchair.". yeh I did son, that's right why do you ask? 9. 33. Listen, if you arent ready to have pee on your hand, then youre definitely not ready to be a mom. 79. Then, he sat and waited in the waiting room. It means that the babys mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse. Whats better than eating for two people while pregnant? As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Then guy answers: And if the child is not like me, it will be a great misfortune for you! Since I became pregnant, my breasts, buttocks, and even my feet have grown. "Well" I said, "If he can get out of that, we'll call him Houdini". How do you say unintended pregnancy in German? I told her that I wanted to name the first one Kate. 2023 thecoolist.com - All Rights Reserved, TheCoolist.com is operated by Bon Ventures SRL, a registered company in Romania (Company No. I know a fish that can breakdance! "I think it must be the second coming," she replies. She was having a midwife crisis. And who do you suspect? Im pregnant with you! Wife: Certainly. Son, I'm not mad.. Just disappointed Shes 25. Suddenly older man replies: You know shes pregnant too! Her dad: *coughs* I need water Pregnant women afraid of What part of biology class? Are you drinking a lot of juice? I was like, Yeah. Why didnt you marry him yet? If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow. Ans: For men to be the ones who get pregnant. For as long as comedy has existed, people have laughed at misfortune. He impatiently squeezes my hand. But he's an idiot! ", Paddy says to Mick, Now, it's seemingly been confirmed that, during the live stream, the comedian will joke about being slapped by Will Smith at the 2022 Oscars. 65. Sorry, whats the quickest way to get to the hospital? Except at a funeral. I inquired. Fall 5 Stages of Pregnancy: 1: Crying 2: Peeing 3: Crying because you peed 4: Peeing because you're crying 5: The toilet is your home now. Lady suddenly happily said: Thank God! Apparently, it just changes the color of the baby. Little Johnny said: Yesterday at dinner my sister told us that she was pregnant and dad said: Great! Its impossible to deny that we live in an increasingly angry world. In order not to get pregnant from me, my girlfriend has sex with other guys. Im pregnant. A wife shouts at a young servant: What, Ann, I see you are pregnant! Whats the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? Having a taste for dark humor jokes is no longer the social stigma that it was; much like the uncle with Tourrettes we mentioned earlier in this article, it is no longer kept as the family secret. said the astonished lawyer. Suddenly Abraham answered: Why are you calling me? 32. POST. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died! "Your brother named them." Whats the difference between me and cancer? Wife: No you're not. Apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the color of the baby. well don't give her another, she ate the last one! He's an idiot! I heard Sony is coming out with a new video game console to help us get through the pandemic. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Why aren't orphan jokes funny? All rights reserved. What do you call it when two flowers have a surprise pregnancy? What bird helps prevent pregnancy? RELATED: Looking For Tips On How To Get Pregnant Fast? Youre required to have the baby for her. 31. When it comes to humor, there is no discrimination. All the best on this journey! My final hope for a smokin hot body! They say the surest way to a mans heart is through the stomach. The pregnant wife said to her husband: I hope you dont want to attend the birth? Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor. When it leaves and never comes back. Besides, your partner and all your mommy friends will howl with laughter because they get it. Because its the only love they get. A pregnant mother asks her first child: Whom would you like more, a sister or a brother? Required fields are marked *. When people congratulate me, I like to say, For what? and watch them freak out. The wrong number dialled. Ans: After a kidney stone, nobody says lets have another. He never missed a shot. On your cheat day! 66. When will my wife start to feel and act normal again? I laughed at their chalk outline. But it doesnt have to be all doom and gloom! -No, shes getting pregnant. Ans: She clearly isnt a fan of protection. SUBSCRIBE for weekly NEW Episodes! Wife: Why? 69. ?" So I packed up my stuff and right. Although a joyous occasion, pregnancy can be a bit stressful and nerve-wracking. 38. 24. You understood the story. Funny Jokes Today Jokes Funny Pregnancy Jokes That Will Get Your Baby Moving. A pregnant woman and her husband came to the doctor: Is it possible to have sex during pregnancy? says the boyfriend, trying to convince her to stay. 24. "I'm a butcher," he says. Pregnancy is only easy on some women, for others, there are pregnancy jokes. Megha is the heart of funnyjokestoday.com - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Stab it twenty-three times. When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed. You can tell them baby jokes now. Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? 3. Yet there are a great many jokes out there that make the holocaust the butt of the joke. She swam away. (a) Be pregnant. Maybe the condom broke? What part of biology class do pregnant women fear? Whats common between hide and seek, and an unintentional pregnancy? Husband came home after office: Honey, today there was such a crush on the bus so that a pregnant woman gave birth. Why did the run-on sentence take a pregnancy test? Doctor: You had twins, a girl and a boy. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". "Hmmmm. 15. My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. Its sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Whats the proper punctuation for a negative pregnancy test? Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. Ans: Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. You're ready. I love a hero with a twisted back story. I see that you are excited about something. Husband: No, nothing. 63. Mealtimes are often a place for good conversation. However, many are unwilling to give in and give a laugh for fear of condemnation. Father laughs, "No no, James, we are your biological parents. It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. Ive stopped making jokes about Covid to my brother. Six months later, the old man comes to visit the doctor: Thank you so much, doctor! ", "What is it?" When things get too hard or you seem like you are feeling down, be sure to go through our list. Ans: Why, yesin that its completely natural to take drugs to alleviate excruciating pain! Now, I am beginning to understand why pregnant women are sent on maternity leave. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. Finally, he asked nervously: When will they tell me the sex of my son? One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. "What did he say?" 4. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. 7. I am pregnant which means I am swollen, sober, and hungry. Just text Im pregnant! to a random number. Next patient please. What do you give a new mom, so shes ready for anything? Telling dark humor jokes is a toss-up, but its always better to take the risk! What is it called if two flowers have an unplanned pregnancy? 6. He says he is collecting for the nursing home. As the title of the article suggests, this post contains some seriously dark humor jokes. RELATED: 9 Best Pairs Of Maternity Underwear 2021: Over Belly, Under Belly & Itch Free. Ans: Each month has an average of 30-31 days, except the last month of pregnancy, which has 742. It's called the Plaguestation 5. The pregnant woman's face contorts in pain as she shouts, "Can't! Not only is death frightfully boring, but its also the last thing you do with your life. Ans: Head down, pressing firmly on your bladder! A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out. I hate having visitors. I am pregnant, which means I am sober, swollen, and hungry. You delivered a boy and a girl!" Effective Ways to Be Happy During Pregnancy, Safer Internet Day 2023 History, Importance, and Facts, 170 Baby Boy & Girl Name That Mean 'Gift from God', 600+ Unique & Cute Nicknames for Boys & Girls, Protecting Adolescents From Common Food and Waterborne Diseases, Why an Ideal pH 5.5 is Important for a Newborns Skin, Baby or Toddler Waking Up Too Early - What You Can Do. If I had known the difference between the words antidote and anecdote, one of my best friends would still be alive. HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad Ans: If you eat a pregnant girls food, youre required to have the baby for her. Seth MacFarlane and his writers have welcomed all kinds of controversy with shocking jokes about death, abortion, incest, drunk driving, Michael J. Yesterday there was such a crush so that I got pregnant. ", She's nervous during the examination, fearing that she may be pregnant. "You can't cut me down," the tree exclaims, "I'm a talking tree!" Things like, my job, my phone number and my address, A woman threatens her boyfriend : Is there anything I should refrain from while recovering from childbirth? The British have a very unique sense of humor. When a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town. With that in . I felt like a frat boy. Katherine Heigl, Having a child is liking getting a tattoo on your face. Exercising while pregnant is like eating kale on your cheat day. So I felt sorry for her. You are just a human who understands humor and the subtleties that go with it. My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children. What does my dad have in common with Nemo? What do you call it when every one of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? Funny Comebacks to Say 10. The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. Im sorry and I apologize mean the same thing. I still fit into those jeans I mean, they hurt when I wear them, but Im still in them! Drew Barrymore, I never stopped burping. You couldnt write a post about jokes without including a few naughty ones. Subrata Pradhan. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. 61. If you are nervous of an easily offended disposition, then maybe you should take a look at one of our other, more generally palatable posts instead. Will I love my dog lesser when the baby is born? And she would like to continue creating content on health and lifestyle. No idea. If anything, having a penchant for giggling at these dark jokes might signify that you are a very intelligent individual. Not a word. How is a woman like a road? On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized. my wife drank through all five months of her pregnancy. 13. These (sometimes inappropriate) jokes will be just the thing to crack a smile. Finally, her son came in and she assumed she knew what he was going to say, "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?" Me: Oh no! He replied: Well, what are you. People are now giving birth underwater. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He told me that Im pregnant. They picked tacos. No. e) The toilet is your home now. What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteers funeral? A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. Telephone +40 745 310 155, Naughty dark humor jokes to make you giggle, Smiling at dark humor and jokes designed to offend, TheCoolist is supported by our readers. Ans: Having to sing Wheels on the Bus 20,000 times a day. After a while, she leaned over and asked, Which one is yours?. Mick asks, The doctor says: How old are you, sir? Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew. Pee. Ans: Your breasts after your baby stops nursing cold turkey. When my girlfriend got pregnant! You need a parachute to go skydiving twice. 47. "That's so sweet," she replies. Your breasts after your baby stops nursing cold turkey. My husband is safe! By sitting in an audience and listening to someone reel off edgy joke after edgy joke, we can laugh without fear and allow our stresses to melt away. I doubt many people could better explain a morbid sense of humor than the Monty Python team. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen knocked up? Each one is guaranteed to offend and entertain in equal measure. 44. 94. When you wake up and throw up, is it because youre nurturing a human life? I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Ill go to Moscow, climb the Crimean bridge and jump into the river. You, too. Say what you will about pedophiles. She has written articles on pregnancy, parenting, and relationships. 43. 97. The following collection of jokes are sure to make people giggle but dont come close to crossing any moral lines. Dark humor and jokes flow like wine and gravy in others, and the only thing sharper than the wit is the key lime pie mum made for dessert. What do you call a pregnancy that starts while using birth control? Ans: Cant eat because of nausea. Who should give way to whom? 57. Then have a look below to have a happy mood. Ans: When people arent sure whether to congratulate you or buy you a gym membership. In our house, we like to use it as a chance to air our worries and fears and talk about things that are bothering us. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. RELATED: 60+ Knock Knock Jokes So Funny Theyll Knock You Over. 2. The following dark humor jokes will test your resistance to the guilty pleasures life has to offer. Those little things that you know you shouldnt like or do, but do anyway. The AV Club shared some alleged leaked jokes that Rock will tell, with the infamous "slap" being prominently discussed. I reached my healthy weight gain limit in the first trimester. I want to meet my biological parents!". Why, yes in that its completely natural to take drugs to alleviate excruciating pain! It beats boiling them in a saucepan. There is more to having a dark sense of humor than being a member of the Addams Family. The doctor said, "It's what we in the medical profession call a grudge pregnancy." Im 20 weeks pregnant. Your email address will not be published. But if you remind me one more time of how huge Ive gotten Im going to eat you. Shane: Dad bought a great car so that we were having a great weekend. Lifes a piece of shit,When you look at it.Lifes a laugh, and deaths a joke; its true.Youll see its all a show.Keep em laughin as you go.Just remember that the last laugh is on you. [cry]" 98. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". 39. During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.